Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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