Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
