just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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