I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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