Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
