is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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