watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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