Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
