bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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