I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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