when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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