hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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