Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
