I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
