It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
