fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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