have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
