Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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