A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
