Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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