That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
