I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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