okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
