can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
