You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
