it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You can't special order awesome
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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