I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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