the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
