i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
