tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
