I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
