I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
