his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
