Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
