I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
