I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
