The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
