So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't deserve a penis
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
