And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
