It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize