we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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