They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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