u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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