you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
