i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
