It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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