how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
