he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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