i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
