I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
