Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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