you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
