i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Green mimosas i think yes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
