I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize