My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
