So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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