God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
