i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
