I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it penis luge time yet?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize