he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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