On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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