Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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