You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
