just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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