dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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