Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
