you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
