If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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