I must be too annoying 4 u.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
