i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
