just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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