I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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