"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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