Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
