quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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