okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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